This is a poem that came from a personal exploration.
The writer no longer feels that this applies to them – but it does describe how they felt at one time.

The Nothing Person

I am the Nothing Person. Now you know!
I have not got a clue, how to go
About the business of relating.
The person that you see
Is just a show
A very skilful act
Developed over years
But all the time inside
Beneath the social layers
I am the nothing person.
Now you know.

I am the nothing person
Don’t you know?
In certain situations I just glow
With life and love and happiness
And even I, don’t often look below
To face the brutal fact
To see what’s really there
That does not have a name
And is too scared to share in life
I am the nothing person. Don’t you know?

And even as I cry the bitter tears
And as I try to look
At what it is I fear
That has eluded me for years and for years
Even now, I know I must repair
The gaping hole, the huge revealing tear
In the fabric of my being.
For none must ever be aware
Of the nothing person hiding there.

It isn’t that I care
What other people think
It’s just that I feel sure
That I would not survive
Unable to live
Unable to give what is required
To make a relationship alive.
So it’s better to pretend
I have learnt to be a friend
I have learnt to play a game
I have even made a name
For myself
As one who really cares
But all the time I know
That it is just a show
I am the Nothing Person, Don’t you know?

© 2003